Talking to a romantic partner about sexual assault can be difficult-whether the assault happened recently or decades in the past, and whether you just started dating or have been together for many years. You can say something like: “I’d like to tell you about something that’s hard for me to talk about and it would mean a lot to me if you would just listen and not ask any questions.” Talking to a romantic partner about sexual assault No matter how you choose to tell someone, it is a good idea to set some ground rules first. For instance, if you are worried about being interrupted or being asked too many questions, writing a letter could be helpful. There are positive and negative aspects to each of these ways of telling someone, but it all comes down to what is right for you. It can be in-person, over the phone, or in the form of a letter. The way you choose to tell someone is about what will make you most comfortable. However, if you fear they might become angry or violent, a public location would be safer and you could ask someone you trust to come with you. If you feel safe with the person you are disclosing to, then it will probably be best to choose a private place to tell them about what happened. If someone is about to go to sleep, leave the house, or is intoxicated, consider waiting for a better time to tell them. It will be best to have the full attention of the person you are disclosing to and also give them time to process what you’ve shared. From what you know about the person you are planning to tell, do you think they will react in a supportive way? Have you heard them make unsupportive or judgemental remarks about sexual assault when it comes up in the news? Have they shared an experience they have had with sexual assault? Do they know the perpetrator, and if so, could this affect their reaction to your disclosure? You can always say, “I wanted to tell you that this happened to me but I don’t feel comfortable sharing any more details about it right now.” Just because they asked doesn’t mean you have to tell them. If the person you’re telling does not know how to respond and is trying to think of something to say to you, they may end up asking for details of what happened. What you choose to share about your story is completely up to you. It can also be helpful to discuss some of these questions with RAINN’s hotline staff or a therapist you trust. Below are a few suggestions for what you might want to consider before disclosing to a loved one. Talking about sexual assault is never easy, but if you do choose to tell someone about your experiences, it can be helpful to have a plan about how you would like to do it. ![]() Remember, deciding to tell your story doesn’t have to mean sharing every detail-it’s your decision to tell as little or as much as you’re comfortable with. There are many different reasons why survivors choose to disclose or not to. There is no one-size-fits-all that applies to survivors-each person’s story and healing journey are unique. Telling someone that you’ve experienced sexual violence is 100% up to you. To learn the laws in your state, visit RAINN’s databases on children or the elderly. Who is a “mandatory reporter” varies by state, but often includes teachers, childcare workers, eldercare workers, and some members of the clergy. If you are under 18 or over 65, you should be aware that some people are legally required to report what you tell them to the authorities. For more information, please see reporting to law enforcement. This article does not cover questions you may have about deciding to report to law enforcement. If you’re considering telling someone about what happened, below are a few questions you may want to ask yourself beforehand, tips to help prepare for the conversation, and ways to cope with unhelpful reactions if they occur. ![]() Whether you choose to tell others right away or years later, or prefer not to disclose is completely up to you. It can be hard to talk about an experience with sexual violence, and sometimes it may feel most daunting to bring it up with people you are closest to, such as family, friends, or a romantic partner.
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